"... We will ceremoniously and with great reverence lay mom to rest in the backdrop of her beloved mountains - not one mile from the place she fondly called home... But the truth is that we’ve already buried mom – only not in the coldness of the earth – but in the warmth of our hearts. In so doing, mom lives – in each and every one of us blessed to have known her."
- L.A.Gonzalez Jr. - Eulogy For Mom.
I’d like to thank my family for choosing me to speak. I am both humbled and admittedly overwhelmed at being chosen for such a daunting task of eulogizing our beloved mother.
It’s still hard. Well intentioned people will tentatively ask how I’m holding up… the truth is that my moods change with the wind – one moment I’m okay… the next, something triggers me to the memory of mom.
There is no blueprint, no template, no directions on how to navigate through grief. Each of us seek out our own path to navigate through it. It follows you, it shakes you out of deep slumber… You can drive a hundred miles – and still not shake it…
Seeing her tonight - almost two weeks to the day after she went home - is like reopening a wound. Like picking at a scab. Only in this case, it is our hearts that bleed again. It all seems so surreal to us – mom’s passing… We alternate between disbelief and acceptance. Trying to come to terms with the inevitability that we all will face takes every ounce of emotional strength we have.
I'm beginning to learn that for those of us who have lost a parent, the grieving never really ends. At best, we come to some type of agreement with it. We learn after time to coexist...
Gradually, the smiles and laughter return, but if you dig deep enough, the pain is still there…
And yet, We MUST keep living. For the only real way to honor another’s life is to Live Life to its Fullest.
Words… That normally come easily… Fail Me. For how do I adequately encapsulate the amazing and wonderful life lived by my mother? How do I capture - in word – those endearing nuances that in their totality made mom so special? The answer is simply that I cannot – because mom was a lot of things to a lot of people.
An obituary and her headstone will record the dates of her birth and passing – May 3rd, 1922 and January 18th, 2013… But in between those numerical bookmarks is the story of a woman who lived an Amazing and Blessed Life.
Mom was the proud daughter of Jesus and Herminia Quiroz.
Mom was the sister to her 6 siblings:
• Francisca
• Pedro
• Gregoria
• Antonia
• Roberto
• Elvira
She was mother to myself and my siblings, Esther, Eddie, David, Albert, and Yvette.
Mom was the loving and loyal wife of my father Luis Sr. for 62 years.
Mom was a grandmother, a great grandmother.
Mom was a mother in law.
Mom was a cousin, an Aunt, a friend, an educator, a colleague, a neighbor.
Mom was a Scout Den Mother. A team mother for Little League. She was a dear friend. An aunt.
Mom was and forever will be known as the matriarch of our family – and we - her loyal subjects loved her deeply.
It’s hard to imagine that a woman so tiny could be the cornerstone upon which a family is built – upon which some our deepest core values that we hold to be true are set… but she was, and will continue to be, the source of those deeply engrained value sets…
Mom carried herself with an effortless, quiet grace - a quality so rare that when you find someone who embodies it you find yourself naturally gravitating to them.
Mom carried herself with a quiet humility – she never bragged. She never had to…
Mom was a Gentle and Tender Soul – soothing us with her wisdom, her positivity, her smile – her embrace.
Mom was Peaceful – arguments caused her great anxiety. She was the peacemaker.
Mom was a great diplomat – able to balance the incessant need of her familial constituents – all begging for attention.
Mom had this innate ability to feel and absorb our troubles, worries, disappointments, heartaches, and physical ailments … all as if they were her very own. She could heal and sooth as much with her words as with her home remedies…
Mom was Loyal. She never liked being away from her best friend - My father…
Mom was Positive – she saw only the BEST in everyone and everything around her. She loved us and others despite themselves… even when others didn’t necessarily deserve it.
Mom was revered by everyone blessed to know her – her family, her friends, her colleagues.
Mom was kind. Always offering.
Mom was giving - Always unselfishly placing others needs ahead of her own. Her own pains and troubles were secondary to the needs of others.
Mom was an excellent keeper of secrets – especially of things that would get us in trouble with dad.
But even mom had her limits – which we constantly pushed … My older siblings recount a funny story of when she’d had enough – and subsequently tied their arms and legs together with diapers … Or the time when she went chasing my brothers around and around their small Santa Monica home – only for her to notice they were inside behind locked doors looking at her…
Mom loved cookies of all kinds… She once recalled funny incident when she and my waited for my siblings to fall asleep so that she and dad could enjoy a quiet moment over coffee and cookies – cookies she’d hastily hidden earlier in the week – only to discover that the cookies in question were actually dog bisquits wrapped in a napkin…. “Cookies de perro!” became the title of that funny story.
Mom loved animals. By this, I don’t mean us. I mean of the four-legged cat and dog variety. They naturally gravitated to her… I once saw her gingerly pick up a white dove that somehow had mysteriously landed on the branch of a plumb tree in her back yard. Mom, a spiritual soul, wondered if it were a heavenly messenger.
Mom knew the value of education. She – on a whim - decided she wanted to attend college. This never having formally graduated from high school. She ultimately earned her degree at Los Angeles Mission College. Going on to enroll as a junior CSUN. She would spend the next 28 years shaping young minds at San Fernando Elementary.
Mom burnt tortillas. Regularly.
Mom loved A.M. radio… She loved the music of Andy Williams, Perry Como, Edie Gorme, Johnny Matthis, Nat King Cole, the Carpenters…
Mom loved all things sweet. Especially See’s candies – which she – even her late years – wisely hid from us.
Mom loved gazing outside the window to the scenic San Gabriel Mountains in the distance.
Mom loved root beer floats and Pina Coladas.
My mom loved pickled pig’s feet and pork rinds… I don’t know where she inherited that affinity…
Mom loved – either that or she was addicted to – coffee…
Mom made amazing potato salad. Amazing chile.
Mom’s favorite meal was breakfast.
Mom was a proud cook. Proud of her cooking prowess - quick to point out missing ingredients in other people’s cooking. When the food was of particular poor quality, mom called the dish a vaticion.
Dad
Mom Loved You… Know that. She LIVED FOR YOU.
Mom met and fell in love with dad when they both worked as nursing aides at the William Bauman Military Hospital in her city of her birth, El Paso, Texas.
They moved out West to Southern California in 1950 – settling into a small abode in the city of Santa Monica.
Mom put all of her trust in dad. And that trust led a young couple to move to the San Fernando Valley in 1961. It would be the place that ultimately we called home.
She was dads BEST FRIEND.
Dad couldn’t stand to enjoy anything without her. He never did anything without mom. They were always together.
Because of dads hard work… Mom travelled frequently… To far off distant places – Puerto Rico, Hawaii, Washington D.C., Connecticut, Philadelphia, New York, New Jersey…
Dad dotted on my mother gifts of candy, flowers, shoes, clothes, and vacations on. This was his way of expressing his deep love for her.
Dad dressed mom impeccably. Her closet is testimony to that fact.
Mom and dad dressed so regally that they appeared like royalty.
Mom followed dad around the house like a little cat…
When she didn’t see him or when dad went outside to water out back, she’d always ask either me or my sister Yvette: “… Y tu papa?” …. One day I’ll have to write a book about my mom’s funny idiosyncracies and entitle it: “… Y tu Papa?” It almost became a mantra.
Mom
We see your face in the bluish glow of the rugged San Gabriel Mountains you so loved to admire.
We see your face in every box See’s Candy truffle chocolate.
We see your face every time we drive by San Fernando Elementary School.
We see your face in every cup of coffee we lift to our mouths.
We will see your face in Everything we do…
There will be times of great joy and laughter… But not now. And when those times do come, we shall laughter a little less loudly than we did when you where there to share it with us.
There will be the inevitable sad days – that will draw tears to our eyes – but those tears won’t shed as freely and weep as deeply as we do now.
There will be times of loneliness – but not as alone as we feel in this moment.
You see, when a parent dies – a part of us dies when them. It certainly did with us. But with that death, is born a renewed sense of purpose – to honor their memory by simply living. In so doing, their memory lives on.
We will ceremoniously and with great reverence lay mom to rest in the backdrop of her beloved mountains - not one mile from the place she fondly called home. But the truth is that we’ve already buried mom – only not in the coldness of the earth – but in the warmth of our hearts. In so doing, mom lives – in each and every one of us blessed to have known her.
We – all of us here – are her legacy. Comforted by the fact that mom – truth be told – lived a full, wonderful, and complete life.
Death didn’t steal mom at an earlier age. When the inevitable visit by death came, out of respect, it waited… patiently. It ASKED her if she was ready.
In the end, Mom waited a bit because she wanted to be sure we’d be okay, that dad was going to be okay… It wasn’t until she knew for certain that She went Home.
Nor did she cross to God’s Glory Alone. Instead, and fittingly She crossed holding my hand. Only, I’d like to think that it was all of our collective Hands that were comforting her.
MOM, we won’t say goodbye… Because we aren’t leaving you – ever.
Yes, In our humanness, we shall weep – for in weeping we heal and are made whole again...
Words will not adequately describe the amount of Love we have, yet we are comforted in knowing that YOU knew before you left how much we did.
Mom. You are the air we breathe. You always will be.
We will Live. Each and Every Day. To Honor You.
Your Proud and Loving Son... Luis Gonzalez Jr.
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January 31, 2013